Purest of Pain
by Corbin K
Summary: A fic of Hotohori in modern times.


Sorry didn't mean to call you  
  
But I couldn't fight it  
  
I guess I was weak  
  
And couldn't even hide it  
  
And so I surrender just to hear your voice  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  Hotohori stared at the phone. His thoughts were in a whirl. He wanted so much to just pick it up. And call her. But he couldn't. He had to force himself to forget about her. He had to. "Hotohori, where is your strength? Your determination?" he reprimanded himself. "Have you forgotten what you promised her? What you promised yourself?"  
  
  He walked away from the phone, and sat down on his bed. He picked up the framed photo of her that he kept by his bedside, and stared at it. He had to. He couldn't fight it. He had to.  
  
  He walked towards the phone, picked it up, and dialled. It rang for a while and a click was heard.  
  
  "Hello! This is Miaka! Tamahome and I are not at home right now! Please leave a message, and we'll get back to you shortly!"  
  
  Hotohori hanged up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I know how many times I said I would live without you  
  
And maybe someone else is standing there beside you  
  
But there's something baby that you need to know  
  
That deep inside me  
  
I feel like I'm dying  
  
I have to see you  
  
It's all that I am asking  
  
   
  
  Hotohori hid behind the pillar in front of the cinema, and watched as Tamahome and Miaka walked out hand in hand. He had to see her. Just to see that she is happy and content. He watched as Tamahome flicked something from her hair, and Miaka smiled at him with all her love in her eyes.  
  
  And he felt as if something deep inside of him was shrivelling and dying, and the pain was so excruciating that he felt like dying along with it.  
  
  But at the same time, he couldn't help feeling happy because she was happy. That she was contented and with the man she loves. And that she did not have to endure the agonising pain he was experiencing.  
  
  He stared at their retreating backs. "Miaka!" His heart screamed. "I love you! I love you!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Vida!  
  
Give me back my fantasy  
  
The courage that I need to live  
  
The air that I breathe  
  
Livin' without you  
  
My world's become so empty  
  
The days are so broke and lonely  
  
Each night I taste the Purest of Pain  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better everyday  
  
That I didn't hurt when you walked away  
  
But to tell you the truth  
  
I can't find my way  
  
And deep inside me  
  
I feel like I'm dying  
  
I have to see you  
  
It's all that I'm asking  
  
   
  
  The phone rang shrilly, waking Hotohori out of a fitful sleep, full of dreams of her. He reached for the receiver.  
  
  "Hello?"  
  
  "Hotohori! How are you?"  
  
  Hotohori's eyes widened. "Miaka?"  
  
  "Yep! You sound hoarse. Just woke up? Hehheh."  
  
  "Miaka. I didn't expect you to call."  
  
  "Well, since you didn't seem fit to call any of us in the last few months, I decided to call you. How are you?"  
  
  "I. I." How could he tell her? How could he explain? "I'm fine. How are you? And Tamahome?"  
  
  "We're fine. Actually, I called to inform you that we are getting married! He proposed yesterday night after a movie. Not very romantic, but I can't help it, I cried. And. Hotohori?"  
  
  "Yes, Miaka. I'm here. Err, congrats."  
  
  "Thanks. You'll come, won't you? To the pre-wedding reception. Just for all of us. I've already called Nuriko, Mitsukake and Chichiri. I'm calling Chiriko and Tasuki next."  
  
  "Yes. I will.Miaka."  
  
  "Ok! I will inform you about it later, ok? I have to call the others now! Bye, Hotohori, take care!"  
  
  "Bye, Miaka."  
  
  Hotohori listened as Miaka hung up. His grip on the phone tightened as he fought to control his tears. They are getting married. The only girl he will ever love. Miaka. He's losing her forever.  
  
  "Lose her?" he smiled cynically at his own stupidity. "She was not yours to begin with."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Vida!  
  
Give me back my fantasy  
  
The courage that I need to live  
  
The air that I breathe  
  
Livin' without you  
  
My world's become so empty  
  
The days are so full but lonely  
  
Each night I taste the purest of pain  
  
Vida!  
  
Give me back my fantasy  
  
The courage that I need to live  
  
The air that I breathe  
  
Livin' without you  
  
My world's become so empty  
  
My days so full, lonely  
  
Each night I taste the Purest of Pain  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sorry didn't mean to call you  
  
But I couldn't fight it  
  
I guess I was weak  
  
And couldn't even hide it  
  
And so I surrender just to hear your voice  
  
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  Hotohori stared at the public phone. Tonight was the pre-wedding reception for Tamhome and Miaka's wedding, held in their home. He had called Nuriko, and told him to inform them that he had other matters to attend to.  
  
  He could not bear to be there and watch as the girl he loves about to be married to another guy. Even if the guy was one of his best friends.  
  
  He took his passport from his coat pocket, and took out the airplane ticket clasped between the pages. His flight will be announced soon. He walked towards the gate, stopped, and glanced back at the phone.  
  
  He walked back towards it, and picked it up.  
  
* * * *  
  
The phone rang, and Miaka excused herself to answer it. The sound of laughter can be heard as she walked towards the phone.  
  
  "Hello? This is Miaka!"  
  
  There was a click as the other side hung up.  
  
  Miaka stared at the phone, and wondered why she suddenly felt like crying. It was as if, the phone call was some kind of goodbye from someone that she holds dear to her.  
  
  "Miaka? What's wrong?" Tamahome asked from the doorway.  
  
  Miaka shook her head, and tried to dismiss the feeling. She was just being paranoid as usual. "Nothing. Just a wrong number."  
  
* * * *  
  
Hotohori stared out of the airplane window, and watched as the airport disappeared from view. A lone tear slides down his face as he silently bade farewell to Miaka. The girl of his dreams, and the girl whom he had loved even before he met her. The girl that will never belong to him.  
  
"Suzaku no miko, what does that means?"  
  
"According to the writings of the ancient times, it's a girl from another world who can summon the Suzaku to protect the country."  
  
"Suzaku no miko will appear in this world. Maybe she will love me as a person, and not as an emperor. I will finally find someone who will love me for me! I definitely will!"  
  
   
  
  


End file.
